I never really had any ambition of becoming someone or doing something with my life, I just wanted to party and carry on with no responsibilities whatsoever. I tried a few “directions” but never really found anything I wanted to do except drink and do drugs. I joined the Armed Forces and was inspecting aircraft for a while.  That was all before drugs.  When I was on home from leave one time, my brother introduced me to cocaine. I’ll never forgive him for that.  I just loved it too much. Of course I had to progress from doing lines to sticking needles in my arm and with that, came a whole different breed of “friends”.  All we wanted to do was get high.  
 
My parents and employers couldn’t understand why I would disappear for days on end and then come back and work and be a normal person. If they only knew. Both my parents are gone now and I can’t say I’m sorry to them for the pain I caused.
 
I finally smartened up about needles when I ended up in the hospital after an exceptionally busy night getting high. I was hooked up to all kinds of heart machines and such. Scared the hell out of me. That was November 1998. And I haven’t done it since. Maybe this should have happened sooner. 
 
Before that, January 1996, my Father -- my hero -- died. I came home to the east from the west coast where I was partying very, very hard with many, many people so I could be with him. I spent the last three months of his life with him and it was the best three months I had had in a long time. No drugs, no drinking, just being a human being for a change.

That fateful January, Dad went in for triple bypass surgery and was released on a Friday at around 4PM. 

When he was coming down for breakfast the next day, Saturday, Mom & I heard a thump on the floor. I ran up and he was on the floor doing the funky chicken. I’ll never, ever forget that awful day. And yes, there really is a “death rattle”. I heard it clear as a bell.  I lost my Dad, my hero, he left without me ever knowing how much I loved him. The memory of seeing his last few moments on earth will never leave me. It has been 15 1/2 years now, that picture of him on the floor with the paramedics working on him, him flopping on the floor will never leave me.
 
My life went into a huge, huge tailspin, I didn’t care for much or anyone...