Healing from Hep C is a process. No doubt mine came from the inside out. My healing from Hep C began with an emotional, mental and spiritual step that impacted the rest of my life.
It began with the healing of my heart in the process of forgiveness toward the one who gave me Hep C. For a long time I referred to him as “the violator.” I had to get over the shock and realization of how the selfish act of one person could alter my life. See Connie’s Hep C Journey.
Forgiveness is not always easy. Hurt can run deep, especially when there is no apology, no remorse over thoughtless words or actions. And at times it’s harder to forgive ourselves than to forgive others. Regrets can run deep also.
Many times people don’t know the “whole facts” involving how Hep C is transmitted and say or do things which cause emotional wounds. No matter how someone was infected with Hep C, there is no excuse for others to use unkind words or actions. The golden rule still rings true, “Treat others the way you wish to be treated.”
May I add, kindness goes a long way in helping the Hep C patient in their healing process. Emotional stress affects us physically. In healing from Hep C, we need all the help we can get.
As Hep C patients how do we heal from emotional hurt? Here’s how I went from anger to forgiveness, and healing from deep trauma.
After the shock wore off from my Hep C diagnosis, the horror story unfolded of how I was infected, my husband said to me, “No matter what, we need to forgive this man.” I fired back an ungracious response, “Well, maybe you can forgive him but I can’t.” The words “I can’t” ran deep. “I can’t” was woven tightly together with “I won’t.”
I harbored my anger and stewed in it, but it brought me no relief, no peace. In fact, my anger, deepen to resentment, and bitterness which lead to a dark place of torment that played over and over in my mind. There were no apologizes, no remorse, which heaped insult to injury. Wrestling with unforgiveness is a hard way to live, it sucks precious joy out of life.
I finally got to the place where I was willing to be made willing to let go.
I prayed, “Lord, you know how hard this has been and only you know what’s ahead of me. I’m just being honest, the feelings are not there. I don’t ”feel“ like forgiving this man, but I know your word tells me it’s what I need to do regardless of my emotions. I know you suffered and died for him, just like you did for me and you love us both the same. This hurt is hard to let go of Lord, but help me to do what I can’t do on my own. Help me to forgive beyond my emotions. Help me to release this. In Jesus name I ask and pray.”
I would love to tell you I raised my head from this prayer and forgiveness flooded my heart, but that’s not how it happened. Every day in spite of “not feeling it” I prayed this prayer. I continued praying day after day, weeks into months. And like healing from a deep wound happens day by day. Piece by piece, forgiveness came and took anger’s place.
The tight grip I had on bitterness and anger toward this man was released. The hardness of my heart melted and one day it dawned on me how free I felt. I was no longer filled with resentment, instead I was filled with peace. By laying all this in Jesus’ hands and truly letting go, I was able to move forward in my life.
Christ taught me an incredible lesson, forgiveness doesn’t come because we feel like it. We first have to take the step of faith and keep walking in it no matter what and trust him with the outcome. Jesus went to the cross out of love and obedience to the Father. He prayed, “Abba Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Mark 14:36
Someone recently asked me how I felt toward this man? “I actually could sit down to dinner with him and my heart would go out to him.” The act of forgiveness comes before the gift of forgiveness. When we finally let go, a gift comes back to us, we receive peace. I learned, because of God’s grace I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
I learned a big lesson for whatever comes along in this life. God will help me to do what I could never do on my own, all I have to do is ask Him, and be willing to take those steps of faith regardless of my emotions.
What are you wrestling with in your life?
This entry was originally published on Life Beyond Hepatitis C June 9, 2015. It is reprinted with permission. This entry was originally published on Life Beyond Hepatitis C June 9, 2015. It is reprinted with permission.
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